As I’ve been preparing for July’s in-person grief group here in Richmond, VA, I’ve been developing a new part of the facilitated content. The book we are discussing, “Grieving With Hope,” has hundreds of details about intentional grieving that comes with a multitude of lessons. Inspired by the knowledge of this book, one aspect I will add to the in-person group is writing all these wonderful tools on pieces of paper and adding them to a jar, and each participant will be able to take one at the end of each session. My hope is that they will carry this slip of paper as a reminder to take hold of their grief and feel through it.
There is a twist, though, because of something I had to learn the hard way. When I first started walking along my grief journey, I was so quick to start fixing myself—how I thought God wanted to fix me. I made any healing activity into my path of grief recovery. This didn’t work.
I am not God’s fixer-upper. He loves me in every form I take.
Each of the points below were created to deepen someone’s relationship with God. The beauty of these items are not the doing or even the becoming, but rather, the deepening of the relationship. God doesn’t want my list of steps to get to healing—he wants me. He wants a relationship as I heal.
This was hard for me to understand until I put it in a very practical context. Years ago, I read the book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” This book is about effectiveness in business but something more. A point from the book that stuck with me is this: Do what you can to ensure you are spending the majority of your time building relationships with others.
It’s not the tasks in a relationship that create transformation—all those things we think are important. It’s the relationship itself. I have found this to be infinitely true in my relationship with God.
Grief, by its very nature, is an opportunity to go deeper. Often, it feels like we have nothing left to lose. Nothing left to give. Surrendering yourself into that relationship might be the only thing left to do.
Here are 10 ways you can learn through your grief:
- Listen to your main thought. Identify any part of that thought that may be a lie. Fill it with God’s truth. If you don’t know the truth, ask for it.
- Write 10 things you are grateful to God for. If the list keeps growing, let it flow. At first, this may be difficult, but don’t stop until you get to at least 10.
- If you are prone to reject help, attempt to accept that help. But first, reframe the individual as a soldier of God’s light in your life.
- Repeat this scripture 7 times as soon as you wake up: “He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid.” Deuteronomy 31:8
- Ask God to put someone in need in your heart and reach out to them immediately.
- Spend 20 minutes in complete silence in your favorite sacred space. Don’t do anything except receive God’s love for you.
- Spend 5 minutes praying a discerning prayer to ask God with whom you’re called into friendship.
- Take a moment and identify one specific pain, burden, or weight you’re experiencing. When you’ve identified it, say, “God, I am not made to carry this. I offer this up to you.”
- Sit and listen to a beautiful rendition of the hymn, “It Is Well With My Soul.” Write down a lyric that speaks to you and journal about what it is saying to your soul at this moment. (Bonus: Look up the story behind the song.)
- Write out one specific prayer on a piece of paper. Be open and honest about what you are experiencing. Tell God what you need. Put the prayer in an envelope and open it 7 days later. See what has shifted.
What area of grief or loss are you experiencing right now? How is God calling you into a deeper relationship? Which one relationship-building action are you feeling called to take today?