After last week’s message about rest, maybe you did what I did: Played calendar Tetris to try and squeeze in a day or two of rest. It was something the dentist said to me, as I was preparing for a root canal, that caught my attention and made me think about this time of rest …
Whether going through an extraordinary loss or just a difficult day, there seem to be three narratives that keep popping up needing a well-trained knight to come and slay the dragon(s). 1. “I need to get through this to experience joy again.” Grief has robbed so many people of happiness. They find it hard to …
If you see someone struggling with loss or a major transition this week, please help me and them by giving them my information. Whew, asking for help is hard! I heard someone say this week, “The least used words in the English language are, ‘Could you help me, please?’” One of the most frustrating things …
I must confess, I have been a bit obsessed with this question recently: “Why are some people prompted to seek healing and others are not?” It may have started with a conversation I had earlier this year with the ladies from Morning Glory Podcast. We had an incredible conversation about the difference between grief coaching and …
Subject: Are you reacting—or are you being reactive? Title: Healing In Relationships Allow me to go full on nerd for this one… One of my favorite things is when brain science makes Bible verses come to life—especially the words of Jesus. It’s like the Bible knew about the intricacies of our brain, and science is …
You have woken up the day after a major loss. Nothing is the same. You don’t even feel the same. The grief we feel after a major loss seems all-consuming—and it can become just that if we let it. How many of us have seen people whose lives have been completely shattered by a loss? …
The Job Description for Healing After A Major Loss Read More »
What if we saw the time after a major loss as a time of renewal? God knows it doesn’t feel like it, but after I put together the Grief Guide/Primer last week, I noticed God seems to have a different plan in mind than traditional versions of grieving. This idea isn’t unheard of: the Jewish …
These last few weeks, I’ve had a number of friends going through severe losses. Whenever I talk to these people, I want to take their burdens away and give them a cheat sheet to help them make it through their insurmountable pain. I feel it is almost my job as someone who has grieved and …
Hands down, the one thing that people love about grief coaching is the idea of “Healing Forward.” It’s simple: We heal as we walk, build, and create the life God is calling us into. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and space for deep healing of the past, especially for those with depression, …
There is a reason why we are told to not make any major decisions for at least a year after a severe loss: The healing brain needs space. After a loss, the brain’s natural response is to spiral. Your brain is thinking about survival, and it is immediately trying to fill the space left by the loss. Like …
Now, don’t get me wrong when I say this, but the more I explore grief and healing, the more I see how similar the grieving person is to someone struggling with an addiction. It’s so often that I see people completely sucked down into the darkness of grief, not able to come up for air. …
I just wanted to send out a quick note this week to celebrate 2023 before jumping into 2024! For a long time, I thought celebration was frivolous and a bit unnecessary. I thought there were better things to do with my time that could make me more fulfilled or just get me ahead of my …
This time of year, it is easy for the familiar Christmas carols to blend together. This new version of “Hark the Herald” has given me a jolt to listen more deeply to the lyrics of the songs I may be taking for granted. SEE “HARK! The Herald Angels Sing” HERE The lyric that has me …
Our culture struggles to discuss grief. Even more so, I have almost never heard conversations about healing after a major loss. What I do hear frequently is the statement: “Time heals all wounds.” This seems far from the truth for people I’ve met still walking in a place of deep darkness years after a major …
I was always attracted to this idea of Jesus being radical. I liked this Jesus that was really outlandish—very different. However, this last week, I discovered that the word “radical” actually means “root.” This threw my favorite perspective of Jesus for a loop. In fact, the early idea of radical means that we go to the true …
Before last week, I couldn’t remember the last time I was angry—really angry. Then, it came in quick succession. The first was on the ride home from dropping the little one off at preschool. I was listening to a radio program about decriminalizing young people who have been sex trafficked and then caught as sex …
On Thursday, my mom delivered a talk that was the sum of her life’s work. The talk was called, “Living Your Legacy” and offered my mother the opportunity to take stock of the legacy she was both living and leaving. As she recalled the most poignant moments of her young life, notably surviving the hunger winter …
“It’s been five years, I pray for healing from my grief every day, and today feels as raw as the day it happened. What am I doing wrong?” I think Brené Brown has done an effective job of shedding light on our “shame” problem in the U.S., but I’ve noticed that shame extends even to …
Recently, I heard a talk given by astronaut Leland Melvin that helped to solidify a key point about why I feel so at home in practicing my faith alongside my life as a coach and future counselor. During one of his missions to the International Space Station, Leland was absolutely convinced that the high point …
In my final years in New York, I had a brief yet significant relationship with a lovely young man who opened up a door for me spiritually. In his hasty move away from the city because of a job, he left a book behind. For months, I would see that book and feel a strange connection with …
In the last few weeks, I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with radiant people in their final days on this earth, each battling their own terminal illnesses. There seems to be a clarity that comes with the approaching hour of death—as their footsteps move closer from this life into the next. I can’t help …
Experiencing Joy and Suffering (at the same time) Read More »
Since starting my master’s program, I’ve experienced a big surprise: A debilitating narrative I’ve lived with for over 40 years is suddenly gone! The effects of childhood trauma are vast, but one of the most debilitating, lasting symptoms for me was a persistent voice that told me, “Johanna, you can’t possibly do ______ .” For years, …
In a recent training, I was fascinated by an exercise that involved “floating back” to previous hurts linked to memories in the past. As I sat with my partner before the exercise, I knew the initial memory I was struggling with but couldn’t see how it could possibly connect to other areas of my past. As soon …
Recently, I’ve been struck by this methodical step-by-step process of life after loss. It feels like being in the middle of a house that has just crumbled and landed on top of you. You survived the collapse, but now, it’s time to get out from under the rubble. First, you need to check your pulse. Somehow, you …
Two and a half weeks ago, I began my master’s. It’s a big undertaking for anyone, but it’s an extraordinarily heavy lift for a single mom who’s also attempting (and so far succeeding) to cover the cost with my grief coaching clients. I’ve realized—fairly quickly—that my normal approach to life would not cut it. I’m …
I’ve been challenged, recently, not to speak about mental health issues as if they are a part of our identity, for instance, “I am depressed,” or “I am bipolar,” or even, “I am grieving.” This seems near impossible when these realities are very much ingrained in ourselves. Grief seems to be a unique case. It’s not like …
I am not good at celebrating my wins, but I’m starting to feel hypocritical asking my clients to celebrate if I don’t do this for myself. Announcement: This week, I began my first week of my counseling masters!!! [Insert some serious celebration] Most moms (especially single moms) will tell you celebration minimized around the time …
It took Dr. Kübler Ross decades to develop the Five Stages of Grief. In that case, I’ll probably feel prepared to write my trauma and grief manifesto around 2050. However, in the meantime, I’m often asked what the Christian grief recovery method looks like. Let’s give it a go and start from the beginning… Step 1: …
Just as parents set up 529 college saving plans for their children, shouldn’t we have savings accounts for our children’s future therapy expenses? As much as I try to do better for my child, there may, in fact, be things I am doing today that the little one will need healing from in 20 years. Just …
My child does not (yet) know the word “bored,” so he’s never bored. In a positive perspective, if we don’t have the words to describe a feeling, then it’s almost as if the feeling doesn’t exist—or at least it’s easier to ignore. After last week’s piece about [LINK: anticipatory grief], the response I got was …
“But I haven’t lost them yet. I can’t grieve them.” This one statement can create mind-bending anxiety for someone walking a path with a loved one suffering from a terminal illness, especially Alzheimer’s. Many losses we cannot plan for, including but not limited to a loved one’s tragic death in a car accident or an …
When I began to walk intentionally in my grief, I started to find peace, but it wasn’t what I expected—at all. My desired peace looked like a beautiful, softly lit room where I could just be quiet, maybe feel similar to what we did before the loss that led to my grief. Maybe light music would …
A year ago, I wrote a piece about “10 Ways to Grieve Intentionally.” As I was reading the original post this past week, I realized a few things have shifted for me in the last 365 days. The biggest shift I noticed is my firm conviction today that there is TRUE POWER in believing that God …
I’m often asked what the trickiest element of grieving is for the majority of my clients. Hands down: Guilt! But how do you get rid of the guilt after suffering a major loss? Psychologically, it makes sense. After a loss, we can no longer go back and change something we may have said or done, so …
What does healing after a loss really look like? After the loss of my marriage, I believed healing would be returning to the person I was before. I still look back at pictures from seven years ago and see blissful ignorance in my eyes. I can’t help but envy that girl, even if just a little. Eventually, …
Praying the Psalms is a beautiful, intentional activity in the darkest moments of grief. There is something about the seemingly erratic nature of the authors’ emotions. As I was praying through the Psalms and writing recently, I felt a prompting to write my own: I’m am downhearted No matter how much I do, I …
Praying an impossible prayer can be like jumper cables for the grieving heart. In the middle of the pandemic, when it felt like the world was dying around us, I started a little prayer list. It started small, but I began listening for prayers, even asking what people’s prayers were, and diligently added them to the …
Grieving with hope often feels like an uphill battle, but most of the time, it’s because I’ve forgotten God’s most simple and persistent promises. 2 Corinthians 1:4 “[He] comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves …
I often get pushback from clients when they complete my intake forms: “I thought you were a grief coach, why are you asking me so much about my life and dreams?” The answer is clear: No matter what you believe right now, you are not your grief. When we are in the midst of grief, …
On January 1, 2019, I had just returned to the U.S. I was 13 weeks pregnant and completely disoriented about what life was going to hold for me and my little one. Throughout the pregnancy, I carried with me an image in my mind of a mother and child blue whale I had seen off the …
God really did create us to be incredible—even in our grief. I began understanding this at a very young age as I experienced childhood trauma. Even amid traumatic events, there were times when my brain said, “Enough,” and shut off, protecting me from some deeper, lasting effects of full memories. As I began my healing …
I heard this great analogy recently from Jennifer Senior from her book, “On Grief,” that when a group of people all experience the same loss, it’s like being dropped on the top of a snowy mountain with broken legs and being told to make your own way down. Each person experiences grief in their own …
Starting anything big can be a challenge. Starting a journey of healing can be even more challenging. If we’re embarking on a healing journey, the barriers pile up! Most of the time, it’s the mental barriers we create for ourselves. I needed a way to get over this way of thinking. And when I found it, I realized …
When I returned from Africa in 2019, I was weighed down by the idea of who I was—who I had spent 20 years working to become. The idea of walking away from this identity was unfathomable. I spent months crafting a plan where I could become a mom and still work with entrepreneurs in Africa. I was trembling …
During this Holy Week, as we see the beauty of Christ walking the intentional road of suffering for us, I can’t help what that could look like for so many of us. If only we choose to. If we neglect to grieve our losses, we experience the symptoms of grief without the fruit. This might be the …
On Tuesday morning, I had written at the top of my journal, “Show me what it’s like to be victorious in the face of adversity/uncertainty.” I wondered, what does it truly look like to grieve with hope? A few hours after I wrote this, I met Mrs. Sheila Duncan, my Virginia Dept. of Motor Vehicles administrator. During …
This week, I was processing some thoughts about this year, and I couldn’t help but think about similar planning of mine in years past. A couple of years ago may have been the worst. I was absolutely sure I could be a highly profitable business owner, full-time mother, and caretaker to my parents. There seemed to be a …
These past few months, I have been healing from an eye surgery I was convinced would change my life. It has, I suppose, but not in the way I expected. I was thrilled with the idea of a lens transplant and iris reconstruction, healing a wound from an accident that occurred when I was three …
The other day, a friend of mine made a beautiful proclamation: “Johanna, I don’t want my faith to be like a beautiful flower on a dining room table–something you appreciate as you pass by. I want my faith to be like the clothes I wear.” Sometimes, people say things, and I can’t help but to …
This morning, I woke up and got into my usual quiet time routine. As I’m getting in a better habit of doing, I got to a time where I just sat in silence. I’ve come to love this silence. Before, my quiet time wasn’t always so quiet, as I usually found a way to fill those precious hours …