Something I hear from my clients is the need for accompaniment.
Grief is a journey like no other, mainly because we are supposed to know what it is, what it means, and how to get through. Then, when we are in the midst of it, we often realize we are in the middle of an ocean with only a floating log to cling to. It is unfamiliar and feels like danger is lurking all around. Often, it is hard to keep our head afloat, and we get sucked down into the swells rising below us.
There must be something more.
Thankfully, I get to be with my clients for an hour every two weeks. I make myself available to connect between sessions, but often, people are much too polite and don’t take advantage of that benefit.
A crafted grief journal could be an incredible answer to this need for daily accompaniment. I have begun dreaming of what it might include. I’ve included some ideas below, plus a prompt and a place to jot down your ideas to give it a try.
Part 1: Orient
Because we are so pushed around by grief, we must take a moment each day, sometimes multiple times, to orient ourselves. This is not just a physical orientation but rather looking at the state and orientation of our mind, body, and spirit.
Perhaps your mind is awash in a negative dialogue. Maybe your spirit is having a day of moderate hope out of nowhere. Maybe your body is crying out for a walk in the woods.
Take a moment to do your own scan:
Mind _________________________________________________
Body _________________________________________________
Spirit _________________________________________________
Part 2: Listen to Grief
Grief is often trying so desperately to get our attention, and we are backing it up into a closet and closing the door. If we take time to listen to the part of ourselves hurting, we are often surprised by what it is actually requesting of us. Sometimes, it is just a desire for us to be still. Maybe it wants us to sing a sweet song. Or perhaps, it wants us to write or be creative.
How is grief trying to get your attention?
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What is it trying to say?
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What does it need you to do?
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Part 3: Listen to Joy
As I have said for years, but even more so in recent weeks, there is something really wonderful about joy accompanying grief. More and more, I’m noticing a natural expression of pure joy emerge as people walk a path of grieving intentionally.
What expressions of joy are desired to be experienced today?
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Part 4: A Note of Encouragement
There is a reason why grief quotes are the number one searched grief topic online. A quotation can pack a punch. Sadly, an uninformed quotation about grief, perhaps someone’s experience in a brief moment, alters someone’s experience of grief for the rest of their life. True encouragement gives someone some food for the journey of the day. It also encourages the uniqueness of the individual experience of grief and gives hope without platitudes.
You are exactly where you need to be today. Rest in grace of the present moment.
Part 5: Listen to God
While I know not all of our grieving community is Christian, there is an undeniable strength in knowing that the God of the universe cares for us in our times of greatest pain. Recently, as we were heading into a time of quiet contemplative prayer, I was reflecting on the idea of spending quality time with God, who created the universe and, yet, is so deeply connected to my very being. It’s humbling and absolutely life-changing as I walk through times of grief. God is love, and just quieting our mind to His words for us, listening to him say, “I love you,” can be just what we need.
What do you hear or experience as you open yourself to hear God today?
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Part 6: The Prayer on Your Heart
As you move through the quiet orientation to a place with God, what prayer is welling up in your heart? Sometimes (almost always), we can forget that the impossible is possible. Finding a place of peace amid an upheaval is a reasonable prayer. Asking for a little hope when all seems bleak and hopeless is also reasonable. Prayer in times of grief can be an exercise we can use for the rest of our lives.
What prayer is in your heart today?
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Part 7: One Step Forward
Unattended grief is stagnant. Grief almost always desires movement. If you want to get out of the darkness, there are steps you can take to free yourself. Just remember, it’s a marathon, not a race. You can’t get to the finish line in a day, week, or a month. For as much as you move forward, just keep in mind that rest can offer the greatest mobility too.
What is one action you want to take today?
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