A year ago, I wrote a piece about “10 Ways to Grieve Intentionally.” As I was reading the original post this past week, I realized a few things have shifted for me in the last 365 days.
The biggest shift I noticed is my firm conviction today that there is TRUE POWER in believing that God went to the deepest and darkest places in our lives so we can go there, too. What a miracle it is to see God show up in a person’s life!
My role is not to ask others to approach grief lightly. My role is to hold the space while other people walk into those “hard to reach back places” and meet God in a new way on their journey.
This week I’ve started a weekly discussion group that is based on what I post the previous Friday. That means, next week we will be discussing this concept of intentionally grieving.
Join us at 5PM on Tuesday afternoon.
I decided to rewrite the list while reflecting on my experiences and the experiences of my friends and clients over the last year. Below is my revised list of “10 Ways to Grieve Intentionally”:
1. Ask God the “Why” questions. It keeps the conversation open between you and God and is often a first step in learning to trust again. Believe me, God can handle your asking “why”.
2. Follow up the “Why” questions with “What” and “How” questions. These are answerable and the answers may surprise you. For instance, “God, HOW do you want me to live out my grief today?”
3. Go to the heart of your guilt and regret and look beneath it. Guilt and regret can be an excellent map to emotions and experiences you might be over-looking or not acknowledging fully.
4. Write a letter of closure to the person or thing you lost. Don’t hold back.
5. Find someone trained in handling grief and begin a conversation. What comes out might surprise you!
6. Grieve the other losses that may come to the surface along with your current loss. Not dealing with this grief may lead to issues with anxiety and/or depression.
7. Ask your grief what it wants to tell you. This helps you realize that you are NOT your grief—you are “separate” from your grief. You currently have grief, and therefore, you can view it objectively and make decisions about it.
8. When the tears finally come, don’t hold them back.
9. Recognize any area of forgiveness that is necessary (even if it is for yourself) and give VOICE to forgiveness.
10. Intentionally choose joy. And yes, this does belong on the intentionally grieving list. If we don’t exercise intentional joy, grief can become a vacuum that sucks away everything positive.
And now—I challenge you to ask yourself:
· How is grief showing up in my life today?
· What might still be undone?
· What exercise is jumping out at me today?