Identifying What We Deserve
My dad told me a story recently of a young man who was helping his dad downsize after the death of his mother. When they got into the attic, the son discovered hundreds of presents that had never been unwrapped. He immediately called up his father and asked him what these were. His father’s response shocked him: “You know, your mom just never thought she deserved these gifts.”
This idea of deserving seems to be a key to locating areas of untouched loss in our lives. I can’t help but wonder what events took place in the mother’s life that led her to believe she was undeserving of the gifts from dear friends.
Was it a critical word from a parent? Was it misdirected words from clergy? Was it grief modeled in an unhealthy way? Was it a stillborn child? Was it childhood trauma? Was it addiction that led to major financial loss?
I often reference the Chinese parable of the old farmer who experiences a series of seemingly fortunate and unfortunate events, all to which his neighbors ascribe the judgements: “That’s unlucky,” or “That’s lucky.” The old farmer says, “Maybe it is, or maybe it isn’t.” Sure enough, even the broken leg of his son leads to his son not being drafted to a battle.
So, who’s to know what is deserved, undeserved. What’s lucky or unlucky?
The Weight of Deserving
This discussion is a downward spiral, especially when you attribute elements of faith. What do I really deserve? When I think about this theologically, it can bring me to tears. But, we are meant to live a life of joy for mercy and salvation—not to be downhearted.
So, what else is possible?
This is most often attributed to a deep pain from a loss.
Locating the Loss
Locating the loss can mean locating the place of potential freedom.
Creating completion from what has been lost is a major step to reaching the other side of the coin.
There is a simple but astronomical shift available.
It may or may not be possible for someone in this lifetime.
Ultimately, this shift is toward gratitude. This can be key in finding the balance between life and loss.
I picture the mother, in the attic, in the final days of her life. Perhaps, for the first time, she is locating the painful words she had been told as a child: “You aren’t worth the clothes on your back.” I picture her husband sitting next to her saying, “My love, you are the greatest gift I have ever received in my life. Will you open one of these gifts and experience just a moment of the joy and gratitude you give me every day?”
I imagine her opening a small gift from her 18th birthday, a tiara she always wanted but never dreamed she would receive. I bet, in that moment, you could see years of pain melting away as she starts to speak the beautiful truth into her life and say the words, “Thank you!”
What are the words that have been keeping you stuck? Where do you think these words came from? Is there something that needs to be revealed and potentially healed?
When it’s time to locate the loss, be sure to schedule a 30-minute exploration call with me here.