Subject: Are you reacting—or are you being reactive?
Title: Healing In Relationships
Allow me to go full on nerd for this one…
One of my favorite things is when brain science makes Bible verses come to life—especially the words of Jesus. It’s like the Bible knew about the intricacies of our brain, and science is just catching up.
The most repeated phrase/command in the Bible is “Fear Not,” or “Do not be afraid.” It is repeated around 70 times (sadly not the 365 times as widely reported).
As we now know, fear (as well as shame, guilt, and hopelessness) reside in the emotive core of our brains. This is where “fight or flight” happens. When you see something that is supposed to make you fearful, the amygdala tells your body: “Panic!” This is rooted in our nervous systems dating back generations. However, we now have much less to be fearful of than our ancient ancestors. The problem is, though, when we have unhealed areas of our lives, we can often live in this place of emotion. It, then, often inhibits, if not sabotages, our relationships.
It’s almost as if the Bible has been telling us: “Fear is not always the appropriate response. Let me tell you what the best response actually is.”
As discussed in my piece last week, this passage in Romans gives us a pretty incredible roadmap as to what is possible:
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” – Romans 12:2
As humans, we have a unique part of our brains called the prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain that gives us our executive function. It is where we create plans. It is also where we make choices to have empathy and self control, to forgive, and to have hope.
More often than not, Jesus tells us we have choices. He is asking us to work from a different part of our brain—a part of the brain many of us don’t even know exists. It’s where we have control over our emotions.
Here are a few examples:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.” – Matthew 6:25
“When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, ‘Do you want to be healed?’” – John 5:6
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” – Matthew 18:21
Jesus is compelling us to think and make choices from a different place—not from a place of emotions but a place of choices. A place of being healed. He is urging us to work from a place of love.
We rarely think about hope, love, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness as being a choice, but it’s clear that it is when we take a moment to breathe. When you step back, you can choose to be reactive or react.
More than this, we see making such a choice is not something that we’re asked to do one time and then move on. It seems that Jesus is asking us to do this daily—“seventy-seven times” in the case of forgiveness.
Here are a few questions to get you started:
- What part of your brain do you use more often: the amygdala or the prefrontal cortex? If it’s the amygdala, what emotion is activated most often?
- How do you desire to live your life, especially in relationships?
- What do you need from God to do this?