Our culture struggles to discuss grief. Even more so, I have almost never heard conversations about healing after a major loss.
What I do hear frequently is the statement: “Time heals all wounds.” This seems far from the truth for people I’ve met still walking in a place of deep darkness years after a major loss.
In multiple conversations recently, I’ve heard statements like, “He has been grieving for 5 years, and almost nothing has changed. It’s like he wakes up every day to his heartbreaking reality.”
This is what can happen if grief is left to the hands of time.
My first major awakening when I began my own journey is that grieving is not synonymous with going into a time of deep depression. This might sound laughable to some, but I’ve realized that this is the perspective of many people.
The alternative can be quite remarkable.
What I did instead—and what I encourage others to do—is to plant their grief in fertile soil. This means learning about grief, inviting God into your hurt places, and finding a safe space to share what you are experiencing.
As I began intentionally grieving and allowing parts of myself to be healed, I saw how wrong I had been about grief. Almost immediately, there was comfort and peace. The loss was still there, and I was still in agonizing pain, but as I opened myself up, I also allowed the light to rush in.
I wasn’t just intentionally grieving, I was intentionally healing.
What I experience frequently is that grieving a major loss is often an act of weeding out what is no longer important, whether you were planning to or not. This place of healing then becomes the fertile ground where God can reveal truths in your life.
Recently, I started to see in friends and clients who had been intentionally healing that dreams were suddenly being reawakened. For myself, this was a childhood dream of becoming a counselor. For someone else, this was recognizing their gift as a teacher. For another, this has been a dream of being a writer. It started to seem as if, when we walk a road of healing, God awakens, reminding us of our gifts that were long forgotten.
This last week, I read this scripture passage with different eyes. It has always felt far flung from my reality, and yet, this time, I couldn’t help but think: “Johanna, you are surrounded by people whose spirit is being reignited.”
7 To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 8 For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, 10 to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.
What is holding you back from walking a road of healing in a place of grief? What might be buried deep below the pain of your loss? How might you take one step toward healing today?